IC Contact

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Pick your poison.]


1. Hey, this is Archer. How are you doing? [A pause.] Great, glad to hear it! Also glad to hear you're talking to an automated message. HAHA, SUCKER! Leave one!

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2. Holy shit, did you just see that?! [Paaaaaaaause.] That was you falling for the answering machine trick again! God, when you are going to learn?

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3. Welcome to Ask Archer, where you can ask me what you want and I'll answer your question in public and embarrass you in front of everyone. Maybe you'll learn something. Leave it.

Comments

dec 17th voice »

[herotypical]

Tomorrow. Nine am. Castle armoury. I'm guessing you've at least figured out where it by now, right? [ huff why does she bother with these losers. except at least these losers creep her out less than the rest of caer scima. ]

Be there or be -- quite possibly -- square.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Who the hell do you think I am? This body is nowhere near being square.

[Which means he'll be there.]

9, got it.

[herotypical]

[ and so (with a little help from our good friends movie magic and the almighty timeskip, the sharpish hour of nine am rolls around on the next day. and buffy (an utter non-fan of the frou-frou dresses and distinct lack of denim in the castle's closets) is decked out in swag she got from the station a while back. decent jeans, for one. a superhero-ish kinda gal can't live without decent jeans.

she's unarmed, except for a mug of what she hopes is very strong coffee cradled in her palms. except it's not coffee at all: more like a stiff and murky tea. but beggars, it seems, cannot be choosers. except they can at least be complainers. ] Oh my God, where did they get these mugs? The local runner-up craft fair for potters who just couldn't quite make the cut?

[ buffy is mumbling. mostly to herself. she stops just outside the armoury and takes a fortifying glug before shouldering open the metal door. ]

Handwritten Letter

[huntedby]

[The letter is delivered by Raven. The hand writing is done in a flowing script.]

Hello Baron Archer, I hope this note finds you well.

I realize we have never spoken before, but I am Vanessa Ives, current ruler of the First Spire.

I thought it would be best to open a formal dialogue between the two of us, as we will most likely be working together to ensure the safety our fellow Unseelie.

If you ever wish to visit, please, do not hesitate to send me notice.

Regards,

Vanessa Ives.

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Whoa, whoa, penning a reply back.

...as well as one could do without a ballpoint pen.]

Baroness Vanessa,

That would probably be totally awesome. I won't let you steal my undefeatable spire design but you can certainly bask in its greatness. No rock, cannonball, or errant mother will be able to penetrate these walls. Or my very firm gluteus maximus.

Not that I'd want that to happen.

Meeting...right! Any time, any time, chap. It's hard to fake an accent through letters on paper.

We can do in bed too. You're probably pretty hot so just saying.

Yours Awesomely,

Sterling Archer

Video

[huntedby]

[Oh man, the answer is going to take a bit.

Because this-- this is not anything she's ever experienced.

So she goes with Video, this time.

Because she has to see this man, to believe him.]

...I read your note. I am curious, why you think I am 'hot' by my note. I don't think it gave any sense of temperature.

[She's Victorian. She hasn't gotten modern lingo, yet.]

I do hope no one attempts to take down your spire.

And while you may visit me, at any time, your forward nature will keep you far from my bed.

[You're not her type, Archer.]

[huntedby]

Well no one could ever say that you don't think highly of yourself.

[tacticalturtleneck]

It's a talent, really. More people could learn to take lessons from me.

01/20; voice

[steelminded]

...This is Shirou Emiya, I... have a proposition to make with you.

[ no he isn't going to take that course. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

You're getting off the short bus? What am I missing?

February 8th, evening.

[chaoticwhimsy]

Hey Archer, stop whatever insane thing you're doing and look at your locket!

[tacticalturtleneck]

Is there a hot girl on here or something? What am I looking for?

private video » march 12th

[herotypical]

Pop quiz. [ hellos are for suckers, friends, and decent folk. and they are none of these. ] What's our stance on vamps?

[ ... ] Hint: this is definitely one of those questions with an answer that's very right and another that's very wrong.

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

Seriously? You're going to do this over this thing and not to my face?

[How can he even flirt like this?]

Uh....stab the guys with a wooden stake aaaaaaaaaand let the real semen demons in?

LETTER DELIVERY - SPIRE 8 - 1ST WEEK OF AUGUST

[greenies]

To: All barons of Spires
Re: A Notice of What Ails the Golems

By now you have probably been told of the golems of the forests across the Drabwurld attacking travelers and visitors to their territory. This anger is caused by a fungus that grows on the plants, and especially the vines, that make up their form, which is growing too fast. It's basically the same as a rash on a person with skin, or fleas on the back of a furred animal.

A method for healing the golems has been found.

Please, take an elementalist who is able to control water and take them into the forests to speak with the Dryads that live there. Ask the Dryads to strengthen the golems and make it so the increased growth of the fungus doesn't irritate them. Agree to have the elementalist wash the golems so their irritation is lessened and they can calm long enough to be healed by the dryad's magic.

Do not destroy the fungus. From everything I've been able to find, it's a normal part of them. It's just that the weather seems to be exactly right for it to grow faster than it usually does. The golems only need to be strengthened so they no longer feel irritation from the current growth rate.

If you have any questions, you may send word to either Wan, in the the Village of Azure (within La Llorona) or Flora, a Marchioness of the Seelie Court.

Regards,
Wan

[ tip your couriers! ;) ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Kind of reading this and staring at said courier.]

Uh....the fuck?

april 2702.

[arla]

[ A letter will be delivered by raven to Archer's spire by the third week of April 2702. ]

To Baron Archer,

Would that I could bring you better tidings in the wake of Caer Scima's revival but I have urgent news to bear. The Void can be seen from the southernmost point of Leathann. It is even closer than before, five miles at most, perhaps. Allies and traders in Treun have begun hearing word of this as well, as I last left the city in the beginning of April. How fast the Void is spreading, I cannot say, and I will remain until that information has become more clear to me. This is dire news that must be kept close until the monarchs have been informed, though I trust that this will become a much more prudent issue for us in the future. As word has begun to spread in Leathann, there has been arguing and fighting. The people are afraid. I suspect this will only worsen and grow in strength as word gets out. It will not remain secret for long.

Once more information is uncovered, I will be able to present it to you. For now, a warning is all I can offer, and thoughts towards the well-being of the people of the Drabwurld. Be safe, all of you. Whatever semblance of peace we have had since the Battles of An Càrn Bàn and An Càrn Dubh is likely to be shattered now.

Sincerely,
Nasrin Lavellan

[tacticalturtleneck]

[And sent back as soon as he can.]

Nasrin,

You sound hot. And kind of Tolkien-ish. Which is okay but I'm not really into old, white men. Still, that means you should totally update me in person. It's more convenient like that.

Oh right, the void thingy. Can't we just shoot nukes in it and call it a day? Or if we're talking Cthulu, hire a drunk Viking and ram a ship into it. That works too.

So.......visiting?

Y / N

Circle one.

-Sterling Archer

Video, May 2nd, Evening

[chaoticwhimsy]

Hey Archer. [Lumina waves. She looks...subdued.] Quick question.

Did you ever finish those chocobo stables you were building?

[tacticalturtleneck]

Just about forever ago, yeah. Kind of need them for Chocobo World Cup.

[chaoticwhimsy]

Oh good. [A beat.] Probably gonna need all of them. Maybe starting...tomorrow?

[tacticalturtleneck]

You better be filling them with chocobos, little Missy! I don't want to walk in there and see a billion rabbits.

backdated to about May 22nd bc I'm behind sorry, delivery via messenger

[zerotohiro]

[While Hiro's off messing around with the Dullahan, he's also taken the time to coordinate a delivery of a few scrolls of paper to Archer. Three sets of blueprints for the Sterling Bullet.

The basic idea in all three prints is the same. The boat's still following the same basic layout of the prints Archer sent him a week ago but he's drawn out where he can cut down on the boat's construction to make it more sleek and easier to navigate through water. The first of the plans just shows an upscaled version of the original prints along with indications for more rooms below deck and reinforcements in the masts. The second set of plans builds on the first but also includes a separated portion of the deck in which Hiro's written out "CATAPULTS FOR MAGIC/SPELL BOMBS. I'm working on how to develop a cannon." And the third set of plans builds on the first two but there's another blocked off section below deck and the indication that there's a compartment in the side of the ship that will open, along with a note that simply says "FLIGHT DECK FOR CLEGS."

With these plans is a note in his scratchy handwriting.]

I hate the Drabwurld and its limitations. Utilize runic magic to protect the ship itself so that it doesn't go down in its first hit. There are plenty of protection runes out there. With the catapults you can write most of the runes on them and when you need to fire them just draw the final brush stroke. Talk to Clarke Griffin, she's been teaching some of us how to use runic magic. Or you can pay her/me to do it for you.

Cleg-wise, you need an escape route. Stables located very, very far away from the rest of your rooms for weaponry, kitchens, and uh, "entertainment."

-HH

[...eh, he tried. What do you want from him Archer he's 15 and the Drabwurld won't let him really customize things yet. Sorry man.]

'scool probably putting up a log at some point

[tacticalturtleneck]

Already set on the runes. Even got one from a god. Holy shit, yes I'm awesome.

Anyway, it's a rune that will make wind always be in the ship's favor. Had to make a few compromises for it but it was worth it. Buying up some other things from a certain someone.

Also get me the recipe for Greek Fire. We're going to wreck some shit.

MSG

[withbite]

You are invited! You and a +1 are invited to the opening of The Oasis. The Grand Opening will be on the 26th and will last until the 28th. Come prepared. Accommodations available in town or the Spire. Consider it part of the VIP treatment.

[You're welcome to answer here or at the post -- here]