IC Contact

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Pick your poison.]


1. Hey, this is Archer. How are you doing? [A pause.] Great, glad to hear it! Also glad to hear you're talking to an automated message. HAHA, SUCKER! Leave one!

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2. Holy shit, did you just see that?! [Paaaaaaaause.] That was you falling for the answering machine trick again! God, when you are going to learn?

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3. Welcome to Ask Archer, where you can ask me what you want and I'll answer your question in public and embarrass you in front of everyone. Maybe you'll learn something. Leave it.

Comments

[tacticalturtleneck]

They're not crocodiles or alligators, are they?

[steelminded]

Probably, unless you have an even more menacing creature you can suggest.

[tacticalturtleneck]

If I see any of those, I'm coming after you. I'll go on a rampage and you'll wish your life was over.

[steelminded]

...Are you telling me that you're actually afraid of them?

[ look, he thought you're a crass super spy or something, and they can handle crocodiles most of the time...

well, then again his only exposure to them are only through movies so. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Uh, have you seen how many teeth they have?

Did you know they bite so hard they could puncture steel? And don't get me started on death rolls.

[steelminded]

Alright, alright, I get your point.

[ Okay, alligators and derivatives are out of the question then. ]

What about piranhas, then, do you mind those as well?

[tacticalturtleneck]

Sure, why not? And put in those tiny, spiky fish that swim up your piss and into your dick and spine the shit out of you.

[steelminded]

...Those are sea-water fish, but I guess I'll see if I can find a few that swims within fresh water.

[ trust the cook to know about this.

not that he ever prepared one before, he has no license for it after all. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

No dude, not pufferfish. Seriously, pick up a book. The Candiru.

[steelminded]

...Guess you learn something new every day.

[ Whether he's referring to his surprise at the Candiru's existence or Archer's knowledge, no one will ever know. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

You'll learn something new when it explodes its spines in your dick.