IC Contact

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Pick your poison.]


1. Hey, this is Archer. How are you doing? [A pause.] Great, glad to hear it! Also glad to hear you're talking to an automated message. HAHA, SUCKER! Leave one!

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2. Holy shit, did you just see that?! [Paaaaaaaause.] That was you falling for the answering machine trick again! God, when you are going to learn?

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3. Welcome to Ask Archer, where you can ask me what you want and I'll answer your question in public and embarrass you in front of everyone. Maybe you'll learn something. Leave it.

Comments

private video » march 12th

[herotypical]

Pop quiz. [ hellos are for suckers, friends, and decent folk. and they are none of these. ] What's our stance on vamps?

[ ... ] Hint: this is definitely one of those questions with an answer that's very right and another that's very wrong.

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

Seriously? You're going to do this over this thing and not to my face?

[How can he even flirt like this?]

Uh....stab the guys with a wooden stake aaaaaaaaaand let the real semen demons in?

private video

[herotypical]

Yeah. I kinda don't have the time to -- [ talk face to face. she sighs. ] I'm saddling up. Whatever. Do we have snow-shoes?

[ because the blizzard is piling up out there. and yet. ] Wait. Did you just -- ew. Why are you so consistently gross?

[ look, archer. there's an adventure to be had and she's gonna go on it without you if you don't show at least a glimmer of good manners. ]

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

Why are you so consistently hot? Seriously, if you don't have a good answer, I'm not giving one either.

[Fair trade!!]

Uh, no, we weren't supposed to be in Canada right now. Making some, though, should be easy.

private video

[herotypical]

Making some. [ frustration cracks in her voice. whips, even. froths. ] By the time we make some, they'll have moved on to terrorize some other poor little coastal village. We gotta make dust while the sun shines.

[ buffy has conveniently skipped the part where she's learned about a group of ne'er-do-well vampires forced to feed a little too obviously with the late-winter wind forcing them to feel just about as desperate as anyone else in the drabwurld. ]

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

Slow down, Speedy Gonzales. It'll just take a few minutes.

[Hold on, lots of breaking noises in the background.]

private video

[herotypical]

A few minutes could be the difference between a human juice box and --

[ wait, so long as he's actually doing work: ] Size six-and-a-half. Okay?

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

[This is him screaming in the background at her.]

THIS ISN'T FASHION BOUTIQUE, KIM KARDASHIAN! YOU GET WHAT I GIVE YOU!

[AND BACK. Holding up the backs of woodmesh chairs with belts used to hold them to your actual shows.

Very crude but hey, it works.]

private video

[herotypical]

Am I supposed to know who that is? [ besides -- ] Oh! Was he the guy who defended OJ? I love Kim as a guy's name. It shows major class.

[ trying very hard to not even betray a little bit of awe at his handiwork, to be honest. ]

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

Actually, I'm pretty sure that's her dad. And he isn't named Kim.

...god, now it's on the tip of my tongue.

[Now he's going to think about his name all day.]

private video

[herotypical]

I really don't care about your tongue. [ ahem. ] Just get those puppies down here. Pronto.

[ who knows where down here is, but presumably it corresponds to some form of mid-construction entrance and/or exit. ]

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Lightly doing an Archer giggle.]

Yeah, because the more important part is lower.

[Probably. Totally. Just....pretending he knows where to go.]

private video

[herotypical]

[ something has got to be wrong with her. 'cause although she could have easily hung up and waited, she actually carries the conversation through -- chatting idly while he makes his way. ]

Good. [ lower! ] I'll know where to aim.

[ you know when she eventually kicks you. ]

private video

[tacticalturtleneck]

You know what? You're going to have to be careful.

[Here it comes. Oh no Buffy.]

Because you're in the Danger Zone.

[His mood? SUDDENLY SKYROCKETING because its been MONTHS since he was able to say that.]

private video

[herotypical]

Calm down, Tom Cruise.

[ bless you, archer, for finally referencing something she can at least piggyback upon. this is supposed to be a two way street of snark! gosh. ]

private video -> action

[tacticalturtleneck]

Do I seriously look that short and prone to believing in alien gods? I'm almost insulted.

[Not that he is ever actually insulted.

But kind of shutting off the video because he's rounding the corner.]

[herotypical]

[ and here she stands. the locket -- otherwise around her neck -- is still perched between her fingertips. as he rounds the corner, she snaps it shut and lets it fall upon the front of a tan-coloured leather coat. it isn't a modern coat; it lacks zippers and snaps and all the best parts of modern tailoring absent. and yet it would be hard to mistake her.

at her feet sits a peculiar pile: gloves; a hat; and a bastard sword. ]

Finally. Took you long enough.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Do I look like Nightcrawler to you? It's not like I can freaking teleport around at your whim!

[He probably would under certain circumstances.]

God, what are we even doing? If someone needs to be rescued, they better be rich.

[herotypical]

We're not rescuing anyone.

[ buffy stoops to collect her gloves and begins the oh-so-laborious process of pulling them into place. ] Or. We are. I am. But not any specific someones. Consider this a mission for the general everyday mass of someones that might someday need saving.

[tacticalturtleneck]

What do we/I get out of this? This is an important question.

[Thankfully already bundled up because with the request of snow shoes, he was smart enough to get himself ready. Somehow in the time he was 'off camera'.

Secret agent sneaky.]

[herotypical]

[ so that's why he took so long. ]

We don't get anything. It's not about getting stuff. It's never been about getting stuff.

[ except that it's probably very likely about getting some kind of adrenaline high, even though buffy will deny that all the way to her second grave. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

It's always about getting stuff. Seriously, even the nerds in World of Warcraft or whatever at least get loot.

I kind of want loot right now.

[STRAPPING ON THESE MAKESHIFT SNOW SHOES. HE WANTS LOOT.]

[herotypical]

You are gonna be so very disappointed.

[ unless you collect dust. then you might be thrilled. ah, well. buffy shrugs -- picks up the sword -- and transitions smoothly into offering archer the weapon by its hilt. she was gonna take it but...if he's decided to tag along? she'll make do with the stake in her back pocket. ]

Here. Once you've got those DIY monstrosities strapped on, take this.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Oh man, it's going to be like Highlander but in Nova Scotia!

[Totally wielding this thing and laughing.]

Get it? Because it's cold in Canada and Nova Scotia means New Scotland...

[That wasn't funny at all.]

[herotypical]

[ buffy seems to only ever laugh at his unfunny jokes. or maybe she's laughing at his 'wielding' instead. ]

You're not far from the mark. I wanna see decaps out there. Clean, quick decaps.