IC Contact

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Pick your poison.]


1. Hey, this is Archer. How are you doing? [A pause.] Great, glad to hear it! Also glad to hear you're talking to an automated message. HAHA, SUCKER! Leave one!

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2. Holy shit, did you just see that?! [Paaaaaaaause.] That was you falling for the answering machine trick again! God, when you are going to learn?

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3. Welcome to Ask Archer, where you can ask me what you want and I'll answer your question in public and embarrass you in front of everyone. Maybe you'll learn something. Leave it.

Comments

LETTER DELIVERY - SPIRE 8 - 1ST WEEK OF AUGUST

[greenies]

To: All barons of Spires
Re: A Notice of What Ails the Golems

By now you have probably been told of the golems of the forests across the Drabwurld attacking travelers and visitors to their territory. This anger is caused by a fungus that grows on the plants, and especially the vines, that make up their form, which is growing too fast. It's basically the same as a rash on a person with skin, or fleas on the back of a furred animal.

A method for healing the golems has been found.

Please, take an elementalist who is able to control water and take them into the forests to speak with the Dryads that live there. Ask the Dryads to strengthen the golems and make it so the increased growth of the fungus doesn't irritate them. Agree to have the elementalist wash the golems so their irritation is lessened and they can calm long enough to be healed by the dryad's magic.

Do not destroy the fungus. From everything I've been able to find, it's a normal part of them. It's just that the weather seems to be exactly right for it to grow faster than it usually does. The golems only need to be strengthened so they no longer feel irritation from the current growth rate.

If you have any questions, you may send word to either Wan, in the the Village of Azure (within La Llorona) or Flora, a Marchioness of the Seelie Court.

Regards,
Wan

[ tip your couriers! ;) ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Kind of reading this and staring at said courier.]

Uh....the fuck?

[greenies]

[ thomas offers a shrug of his shoulders. ] Don't look at me, I haven't read it. Something wrong?

[tacticalturtleneck]

Right. So prehistoric Nigerian scam mails do exist. Alright fess up, is this Flora person hot? I'm not even going to ask about Wan or Wang or whatever. What an unfortunate name.

[greenies]

[ bl...ink ] I...guess? I haven't seen her. Wan's the one who tasked me to deliver the letter.

[tacticalturtleneck]

Then you have a new job.

[Digging into his coat and pulling out.....a flask.

That wasn't what he wanted but he takes a swig out of it anyway. And then reaches back in to grab a sum of money and holding out it.]

Go find her and if she's like....eighteen years old or older, tell her that Baron Archer invites her for a stay. If she's not, then go get drunk and get a tattoo or something.

[greenies]

[ well, this is his job, technically.

thomas stares at the guy for a second to make sure he's not hallucinating this or something, before nodding and taking the cash. ] ...right. Okay. I'll let you know what she says. It'll take a few days, at our fastest. Do you want to put it in writing, or do you want me just to tell her?

[tacticalturtleneck]

Just tell her. Probably better that way.

[That and he's too lazy to write. Hell, he almost never calls anyone when he has the chance.]

[greenies]

No problem. I'll let you know when we get it done.

[ archer you officially win for the weirdest letter request so far. off we go! ]