IC Contact

[tacticalturtleneck]

[Pick your poison.]


1. Hey, this is Archer. How are you doing? [A pause.] Great, glad to hear it! Also glad to hear you're talking to an automated message. HAHA, SUCKER! Leave one!

--------------------------------------------

2. Holy shit, did you just see that?! [Paaaaaaaause.] That was you falling for the answering machine trick again! God, when you are going to learn?

--------------------------------------------

3. Welcome to Ask Archer, where you can ask me what you want and I'll answer your question in public and embarrass you in front of everyone. Maybe you'll learn something. Leave it.

Comments

[herotypical]

Do you want me to answer honestly?

[ oh 2edgy4u. except buffy actually would rather he not die, all attitude aside. damn that chosen destiny and dutiful compassion for mankind, etc. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

I'm pretty sure if I say yes, you're going to say 'Please give me the D' so I'm not even worried.

Seriously, if I stopped drinking now, I'm pretty sure the cumulative hangover would literally kill me.

[Serious answer. Both of those.]

1/2

[herotypical]

It's so not the hangover that kills you.

[ ... ]

2/2

[herotypical]

-- W-would it?

[ oh great now she's actually doubting her own knowledge. she must be sick. where are they, stockholm? ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

I've been constantly drunk since I was like 16 years old. Yeah, it'll kill me.

[LIVING THE LIFE, BUFFY.]

[herotypical]

That's --

[ depressing. ]

You have a problem. Has anyone told you that you have a problem?

[tacticalturtleneck]

I have a lot of problems. All of them solved by drinking. Thanks for caring, come again.

[Fuck da doctors.]

Seriously, the prohibition era was like a billion years ago, why do you care?

[herotypical]

I care 'cause if your boat gets to sinking under the weight of a hundred proverbial DUIs, I'm the innocent bystander sinking with it.

[ emphasis on the innocent ok. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

First, I always outrun the cops. Second, fuck the police. Third, fuck the police.

[Fuck the police.]

[herotypical]

[ ugh give her a moment to wrap her head around this. ]

Aren't spies, like, under that big ol' governmental umbrella? Aren't you therefore supposed to be pro-cop?

[ not that she's pro-cop. sunnydale's finest never left her feeling all that encouraged. but she's surprised to hear this from archer.

somehow. really. at this point she just needs to stop being surprised by anything. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

What, you think I work for the CIA?

[Laughing out loud, literally.]

Hahaha, oh my god. Why would I even be caught anywhere near a bunch of amateurs like that?

[herotypical]

Who do you work for?

[ SHOULD YOU EVEN TELL HER? ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

ISIS.

[Not destroyed yet in his time. And thankfully not a terrorist organization in hers.]

It's like, an international spy organization. But we don't work for commies.

[herotypical]

You freelance.

[ how does she make that sound like a dirty word? idk. she just does. despite being something of a freelancer herself. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

Why the hell are you saying that like I'm some kind of babykiller who stalks the night? What did freelance work ever do to you? Kill a vampire before you could?

[Sheesh!]

[herotypical]

Let's just say I'm not exactly...comfortable with the idea of for-hire spy work. Doesn't that crap need at least a modicum of loyalty? To someone? Anyone?

[ girl's watched too many bond movies. ]

[tacticalturtleneck]

It just needs a lot of secrecy or no one will hire you.

[And who here is the least secret person ever?]

The money is pretty good too.